How do you begin writing something you're almost positive no one will ever read? By asking a question of course.
In case you are reading this, my name is Adam. I've always looked at writing as cathartic, even if you're like me and have awful grammar and split every infinitive known to man. Purging thoughts and clearing the mind is a wonderful thing, especially if you're like me and the friggin circus comes out inside your head at night. I'm at the point now where I have to sleep with the TV on to keep my mind from wandering off into a mess of woulda/coulda/shoulda and never will be scenarios.
Let me stop. Notice how I said mess and not "hot mess". Don't say "hot mess", it's hillbilly speak. I apologize to the hillbillies on your behalf.
You may be asking "Why write a blog, though?", and the answer is, I have terrible penmanship. Plus I hear bloggers get tons of snatch. Or was it snacks? Probably snacks. Anyway, the real reason for the blog is that my life is a hot mess (shit!). I just ended a nearly 5 year relationship, I live alone, I'm about 50 pounds overweight (I wear it well though, ladies of the internet), and I desperately want to quit smoking for good. In reality, this is nothing more than a journal of me rebuilding my life.
Relationships are never easy to end, but my last one just had to end. It was unhealthy for the better part of three years with no real chance to ever improve. I felt like a prick, but it was just something that had to be done. I felt like I was living someone else's vision of my life, and I was always angry at nothing in particular. Myself mostly, I guess.
In the process of being somone else's me, I really let myself go. I gained a ton of weight, started smoking on and off, and was spending most of my time with people I had no business being around. Most are good people, just not my people if that makes sense. I like sports, funny movies, sitcoms and not really caring about so called "issues" like organized religion and politics. I'm the type of person that has my beliefs and is comfortable enough with them to not feel the need to discuss them 24/7. I will never change your opinion, you won't change mine, so what's the point?...that kind of thing. These people...well, weren't that way, and that's fine. Just not for me.
When the girlfriend thing ended so did my time with her people, and since I ignored most of my own friends for the sake of the Titanic like relationship, I pretty much was down to 3 true friends outside of my family. And you know what? I couldn't be happier. There are people I hope to reconnect with, but overall I'm perfectly content with the inner circle I have today. I feel like I can be honest with them about everything. Lately I've been hiding a lot.
Now for the meat and potatoes. I think of myself as an honest person, but I am guilty of lying about my smoking and weight. I don't know why, I suppose embarrassment more than anything. Such a 13 year old girl thing to do, but I do it. (sorry if I offended any 13 year old girls). So right now I will come clean:
I weigh 250 pounds and I smoke about a pack a day. For a guy standing 6'3", I'm roughly 50 pounds overweight, give or take, and about 40 more pounds than I weighed in 2006. That actually felt good to share.
The Mission: Lose 50 pounds and stop smoking.
I've set a date for not smoking, Monday, August 2nd. My weight loss plan is already in effect (affect? I'm terrible with effect/affect). I'm not doing anything fancy. Cold turkey on the smoking and eat less/move more on the weight loss. Crashing never works, and Jenny Craig/Weight Watchers/diet of the month crap never work.
I'll update my progress weekly-ish. That won't be the whole blog, though. Most of it will be random thoughts, rants, raves, and downright hilarity. You'll see. Well, you probably won't, because it's a stupid blog written my some dude in small town Ohio.
I leave you with Life Rule #1. Never trust a man named Roy. Ever met a Roy that wasn't sketchy? I rest my case.
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